Investigative journalist Bongiwe van der Merwe held a top secret press conference at midnight last night to launch her tell-all book “The President’s Forecast”, which details scandalous corruption, criminal goings on and outrageous organizational capture of the South African Weather Service (SAWS).
Van Der Merwe has spent agonizing hours preparing with her legal team for the inevitable onslaught that will follow her exposure of years of systemic corruption in one of South Africa’s most prestigious institutions.
Following the furore over Jacques Pauw’s “The President’s Keepers”, van der Merwe’s book, weekends in the making, details years of systemic abuse and dubious forecasting at the heart of SAWS.
According to interviews with rogue agents, inside weathermen, TV weather anchors and a mysterious unnamed source in exile in Lesotho (codenamed Deep Freeze, but known to everyone else as Yasmine Naidoo, of 13 Chatsworth Avenue, Phoenix), SAWS has been captured by corrupt politicians eager to bleed the service dry of its wooly fleece, scarves and gloves, and provide President Zuma’s extended family with advance weather information hours before the rest of the country.
According to van der Merwe’s extensive research, SAWS, for years a fiercely independent service free of government intervention, was first compromised by little-known Gupta sibling Soobashni, who, jealous of her half-brothers’ celebrated achievements, approached SAWS Intelligence Officer Angelo Marriotti in 2014 with an offer to buy SAWS intelligence. Marriotti, for years rumored to have had an Italian background, at first resisted the Gupta advances, but eventually gave in when Soobashni threatened him with compromising photographs implicating Marriotti’s father in his aunt’s brother’s cousin’s girlfriend’s second barmitvah.
Van Der Merwe details, in 89 sizzling chapters, how SAWS, once breached by this insidious Gupta shennaingan, began its long slippery slope toward capture. Her book details the smear campaigns against meteorologists, the blackmail of climatologists, procurement of Russian weather patterns, the falsification of cold fronts and the concealment of explosive documents detailing fog warnings along the escarpment.
According to Van Der Merwe, SAWS is currently captured to such an extent that South African weather patterns are no longer discernible. The Director-General of SAWS, Staff Sergeant Siphoning Madikizela-Zuma, turns out to have built himself a retail mall in rural KwaZulu Natal that features a 4D IMAX screen, a dairy and a fire-proof Starbucks, with the proceeds of corrupt payments into his secret Chinese eBucks hedge fund on Seal Island.
At the very top of all this corruption, of course, sits the insidious presence of President Zuma. The book reveals for the first time how he replaced reliable independent weather investigator Johann van Logindieberg with Madikizela-Zuma, a former cameraman for SABC2 and one of President Zuma’s secret children.
Van Der Merwe has received numerous warnings of extreme weather following her courageous reportage, and the release of her book should go a long way toward the democratization of weather prediction in South Africa. “The President’s Forecast” is expected to be sold out across the eastern parts of the country by late afternoon, but will begin to appear later on whatsapp as a PDF overnight. Motorists are in the meantime advised to drive with caution over the next 24 hours while SAWS begins its legal case against the author, who will be officially launching the book in a special candlelight service outside SAWS headquarters tonight, weather permitting.